Where Do We Go From Here?


Someone is finishing up the months when he agreed to go to Assisted Living – a winter of “respite care.”  Someone can’t really live at home now, and one of us has offered to live with him — and add a “housekeeper” (day nurse, shh) so he can enjoy his beautiful yard and patio.

But Someone insists he’s going to find a better “Retirement Home” than the awfully nice and expensive place he is already at.  Magical thinking:  he thinks when he leaves one place he can just move in directly to a new place.  In two weeks.  With no knowledge of said places except some brochures.

It is heartbreaking to see someone you love lose the ability to navigate their lives.  And even more difficult because they think they still can.  And none of these places are at all transparent about pricing.  Do you buy in?  Rent?  Is it a skilled nursing facility? Are there on-site people to do PT and OT?  What is the medical supervision like?  What are the additional charges – making sure he gets his meds, for instance, and a certain “level” of care?

How do you navigate for someone who is deeply depressed, not thinking right, and probably won’t find a better situation than he’s currently in?  And someone who thinks he’s perhaps a burden, and doesn’t want you to disrupt your life by moving in, or his life, by being in his house to boss him around and keep an eye on his intake of bourbon?

Your thoughts?  This is such a complicated journey.  There are no maps.


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