A few months back Our Elder cracked five ribs after a fall in the yard. That was drama. So much pain and little could be done for it. But he recovered. We’d only had one return ER trip since then … until … searing pain over Thanksgiving meant something was wrong. So naturally, they put us here.
(**?)
No, it wasn’t cancer. I tried to tell them. It’s just – old bones. But hospitals be hospitalin’. That meant two solid days of tests of everything – in case. Like, icky kinds of tests. 
(why can’t I make that image smaller? Why can’t I make that image go away?). Anyway … we are Down for this Drill. We know from Hospital Trips. Enough to pack some food because the cafeteria keeps weird hours. 
Goes without saying that the hospital Our Elder likes … is not in the same state as his doctors. (DC/MD/VA, you might want to collaborate, just saying). So his own physicians could only phone in, while a very, very, very lot of specialists got to try out all their toys. I shouldn’t be so sarcastic; it just seemed overkill.
Between the ER and the two overnights … we must have entertained 20 doctors and/or techs, nurses, Patient Advocate Quality Assurance Specialists (they come in teams of 2), Interns, Residents, Dining Staff, Physical Therapy Evaluators, Discharge Team and Custodial. We are beyond grateful Our Elder has supplemental insurance (actually, we sorted that one out when he forgot to put his fees on auto-pay …). At some point during the ER part they took extra blood, in case they needed to test it more. But they left it behind when he was switched to a room. That’s how it ended up in my tote bag, discovered only when I emptied it in the kitchen two days later.
Yep. Nothing like carrying around a vial or your dad’s blood that you forgot. Fun on dates, I am, indeed. To ice the cake, just hours before discharge, he complained of a cough. And a whole new set of friendly specialists made me wear this: 
At least he got a pretty view. 
And it didn’t end like this. 
For the time being, it’s back to 16 pills a day … plus a balanced diet of Percocet, Tramadol and Extra-Strength Tylenol … and oh, this. Tho he won’t use it. 
And now we have a whole bunch of these:
Holler if you need any hospital mouthwash. We’re swimming in it.
*** This hospital’s oncology wing is named for a different Robert E. Lee. A much more recent one, noted for his work in media. But given that it’s in Virginia … well, enough said.
This is Demented 